Perhaps you could not stop laughing at (or in spite of) our last post, where we discussed Ford's new line of EgoBoost models, discovered what a minivan from Porsche would be named, and found out why Honda's mail department is feeling overwhelmed. Or perhaps you accidentally hit this link and figured eh, I am already here. Either way we are glad you are here for another farcical look at the automotive landscape.
Acura - Acura has just announced that it will be transitioning back from alphanumeric to named models. An Acura press release stated:
Audi - Audi, in staunch Germanic fashion, absolutely refuses to take part in any humor this month.
Cadillac - Having realized that Americans are not willing to buy good European-style luxury performance sedans from domestic luxury makers, Cadillac has decided to go back to its roots. Cadillac will graft two-foot bumper extensions, trunk fins, soft air suspension, and large hood ornaments on all of its current vehicles. "We hope these measures will be enough," said a Cadillac spokesperson. "If not, our next move will be to revamp all of the interiors with slippery leather bench seats."
Chevrolet - Chevrolet will finally sell a mid-engine Corvette in 2017, or no actually they probably won't. Embarrassingly we at "Herd" quite honestly have no clue.
Scion - Scion has announced that it will cease to exist with all current models being rebranded as Toyotas for 2017. In a press release Toyota executives stated they were surprised Scion lasted as long as it had, considering the entire division was all a big April fools joke to begin with.
Tesla - Tesla made news recently when enigmatic CEO Elon Musk refused to sell a vehicle to a customer who had written a "super rude" blog post. However, it is now clear that this was actually part of Tesla's new personalization program. Similar to other luxury manufacturers, Tesla will now allow for almost any finish or color for exterior and interior fittings of your new Model S or Model X. However as part of this unique program instead of the customer making the selections Mr. Musk will meet and evaluate the customer and then personalize the vehicle for them according to his own taste, or if he finds that you are "super rude" cancel your order altogether.
Volkswagen - Volkswagen has had a rough go of it lately and today has announced part of its plans to turn the company around. Volkswagen has turned to their in house supercar company Lamborghini and will begin offering "Handling by Lamborghini" editions of all of it's Golf hatchbacks and Jetta sedans in the US. A spokesperson for Volkswagen said, "hey, why not, after all it worked really well for Lotus and Isuzu back in the 80's and 90's!"
That is all of thefake news entertainment we have for this edition, let us know in the comments what industry news you would like to hear about in the next edition of "Herd" around the auto industry.
Acura - Acura has just announced that it will be transitioning back from alphanumeric to named models. An Acura press release stated:
We realize now that alphanumeric names were a mistake, our customers had a real connection to nameplates like Legend and Integra. To rekindle the passion, we will be renaming all Acura models beginning with the 2017 Ennessexx (NSX), Aarrrghhhellexx (RLX), Teaellexx (TLX) and Eyellexx (ILX). We think these names capture the essence of the Acura brand!"
Audi - Audi, in staunch Germanic fashion, absolutely refuses to take part in any humor this month.
Cadillac - Having realized that Americans are not willing to buy good European-style luxury performance sedans from domestic luxury makers, Cadillac has decided to go back to its roots. Cadillac will graft two-foot bumper extensions, trunk fins, soft air suspension, and large hood ornaments on all of its current vehicles. "We hope these measures will be enough," said a Cadillac spokesperson. "If not, our next move will be to revamp all of the interiors with slippery leather bench seats."
Chevrolet - Chevrolet will finally sell a mid-engine Corvette in 2017, or no actually they probably won't. Embarrassingly we at "Herd" quite honestly have no clue.
Scion - Scion has announced that it will cease to exist with all current models being rebranded as Toyotas for 2017. In a press release Toyota executives stated they were surprised Scion lasted as long as it had, considering the entire division was all a big April fools joke to begin with.
Tesla - Tesla made news recently when enigmatic CEO Elon Musk refused to sell a vehicle to a customer who had written a "super rude" blog post. However, it is now clear that this was actually part of Tesla's new personalization program. Similar to other luxury manufacturers, Tesla will now allow for almost any finish or color for exterior and interior fittings of your new Model S or Model X. However as part of this unique program instead of the customer making the selections Mr. Musk will meet and evaluate the customer and then personalize the vehicle for them according to his own taste, or if he finds that you are "super rude" cancel your order altogether.
Volkswagen - Volkswagen has had a rough go of it lately and today has announced part of its plans to turn the company around. Volkswagen has turned to their in house supercar company Lamborghini and will begin offering "Handling by Lamborghini" editions of all of it's Golf hatchbacks and Jetta sedans in the US. A spokesperson for Volkswagen said, "hey, why not, after all it worked really well for Lotus and Isuzu back in the 80's and 90's!"
That is all of the
Sign in to post
Please sign in to leave a comment.
Continue