In this week's installment of our new (and maybe-ongoing) series that one reader said has "zero value other than hearing some decent tailpipe music," we're pitting the Lava Orange fastback SUV against Byron's personal car (and defending champion): a stock 2013 Dodge Challenger SRT8 392.
Yes, in this particular contest, there are always two challengers. You're welcome.
Like the Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio that kicked off this series, our latest contestant packs a 2.9-liter, twin-turbocharged V6. The Cayenne's engine isn't quite as robust as the Alfa's, packing just 434 horsepower to the Italian sedan's 505. Horsepower isn't the same as loudness, though, so we're not just going to go out and declare the Cayenne the loser because it doesn't put as much power down.
To find out for sure, we used a free Android sound meter app, a smartphone on a tripod, and a semi-enclosed garage. If you need a more detailed breakdown of our methodology, and we're using that term quite loosely, check out the link to the Alfa story above.
So, how did the Cayenne perform? Its cold start bark produced a peak reading of 75.8 decibels — far short of the Challenger's 83.7 and the Giulia's 81.6. After startup, its high idle measured approximately 71-72 decibels, which in the app's judgment is somewhere between a spoken conversation and the sound of busy traffic.
If you ask us, it's far more pleasant to listen to than either. And yes, that's really the only value in any of this. Look, we're just as bored as you are, OK?