Volvo hastily scribbles wish list for new vehicles

1. We're going to need a half-sedan, half-wagon crossover mutation that slots in above the V70 and S80. Like the V90 concept car that someone Photochopped with his or her actual ass, but something that doesn't make my eyes bleed.
2. A tiny SUV is definitely called for. Something where we can jack the S40 and V50 platform and make the BMW X3 look like it was sorry it was ever born. Oh wait, it's already sorry?

3. Hatchback, baby. Now that Saab's out of the game and Audi's in for the US market, we need to break out something that will look really slick while pulling out of an Ikea parking lot with a fiberboard bookcase in the back.

'Cause it's 600,000 global annual sales or bust, right?