Got Milk? It's one of the most successful marketing campaigns of all time. IndyCar driver and femme fatale of the front straight, Danica Patrick, has signed on to shill for the bovine beverage in one of those very familiar advertisements that features popular athletes and celebrities with a wet upper lip. Nevermind the fact that milk only sticks to your lip like that if you've got the beginnings of a good mustache going on, or that what's on Danica's lip is probably a gooey special effects paste. If you sense some disdain in my voice, that's probably because I haven't had a glass of milk since 2000 when I read a book in college and the next day stopped eating animals and drinking their fluids. I haven't bought into the "does a body good" argument since a doctor once described the nutritional properties of milk to me as "liquid beef". That's why I always frown when I see another athlete or celebrity holding a glass of milk with a smile that looks like they've gulped a gallon of White Out.
The tagline in Danica's ad is "Refuel", because I guess the Milk Processors of America who pay for the ads would have us believe that Bessy's breast milk has the same restorative powers as Gatorade. The rest of the copy reminds you to eat right, exercise and drink milk, because you're going to be healthy anyway if you do the first two things, so what's a glass of milk going hurt?
NOTE: The hippy propaganda in this post does not represent the views of Autoblog, its parent company or the rest of the Autoblog editorial team who are all blood-dripping-from-the-teeth carnivores and no doubt pouring glasses of 2% right now just to taunt me.