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Dartz Prombron luxury SUV from Russia

You probably heard about the Dartz Prombron recently, the ultra-luxury armored SUV from Russia that would feature, among other ne plus ultra materials, leather pulled from whale penis foreskin. Why whale foreskin? Someone told them it was the best so they jumped on it. Unfortunately, the attraction didn't last very long. They have issued a release saying they will release the penis from their options list. Apparently the company has had a rethink on their choice of interior materials after receiving negative responses to their announcement from Greenpeace, the World Wildlife Fund, and even Pamela Anderson.

Personally, we think this might be more of a reaction to the new anti-whaling boat that the Sea Shephards have picked up for the upcoming season of Whale Wars: The newly rechristened Ady Gil, a 90 km/h semi-submersible tri-hull that holds the record for global circumnavigation. Whatever the reason, Dartz has Bobbitted the penis from the vehicle's spec sheet. In a brilliant press release that we couldn't possibly put into any better words, the company announced the change. Follow the jump to read the verbiage for yourself. Thanks for the tips, everyone!

[Source: Dartz via The Star, Jameslist]



PRESS RELEASE:

ARMORED CAR WITHOUT PENIS. LET'S SAVE THE WHALES.
One month ago DARTZ presented uberluxury armored car with whale penis interior - PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBaltique), lot of people name this car as DARTZ.KOMBAT. As the world's resonance was very huge and DARTZ got lot of angry e-mails from Greenpeace, WWF and also Pamela Anderson, DARTZ make strong decision to stop their plans regarding such interior.

"We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. Our brand was started at 1869 when in Riga was opened Coach Factory or Russo Baltiysky Vagonnij Zavod - PBVZ, and first products was luxury train coaches. At 1907 was made a decision to open Car Department, and at 1909 first car left factory - the name of this car was RussoBalt. This was luxury and sport cars. At 1911 specially for Monaco Rally car got french style name - RussoBaltique. At 1912 factory made world first 4 x 4 wheel drive car, and at 1914 - armored car. All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBalt).

We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that's why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: "Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don't Earth fall down to Ocean!"

Also we make a decision to pay more attention to glass and on our new car model we will use glass which will be made by special technology - from artificial grown chrystals, which will be gold sputerred to cut IR and UV rays, which make driving inconvinient when sun shine.

Best regards,
Leonard F. Yankelovich


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    • 1 Second Ago
  • 29 Comments
      Ultraworld
      • 5 Months Ago

      Onassis used Minke Whale Foreskins to upholster the bar stools on the Christina O.

      • 5 Years Ago
      My favorite line from the Best Press Release of 2009 (no, the decade) is:

      We want to tell our hello to all whales: "Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don't Earth fall down to Ocean!"

      I realize this isn't P.C., but it really helps if you read the release with a Russian accent... :P
      • 5 Years Ago
      EPIC press release
      HotRodzNKustoms
      • 5 Years Ago
      WHENEVER Pamela Anderson says something about your penis you listen.
        • 5 Years Ago
        @HotRodzNKustoms
        But if she talks about your nose, you ignore.
      • 5 Years Ago
      That press release is comedy gold.
      • 5 Years Ago
      Another Rabbi out of work. This economy sucks whale Di**
      • 5 Years Ago
      Best. Press. Release. Ever.

      Reads like the script for Borat.

      San Diego means whales vagina, must feel good to drive this DARTZ around town. Tough getting traction when its wet out... It is not afraid to take the back road and get muddy... also puts a new meaning on changing the rubber on your ride.... and I am spent...
      • 5 Years Ago
      Somewhere, a speculator is wondering what he is going to do with 2 tons of whale penis skins...
      • 5 Years Ago
      How is it that they can engineer and manufacture an automobile but they can't properly translate a press release into English?
        • 5 Years Ago
        In Russia, car builds YOU!
        Peter Tudosio
        • 3 Years Ago
        Hey 'genius', the russians put the press release in russian, the 'translation' was done by the people in Europe using google!
      • 5 Years Ago
      ...because nothing oozes quality like a Russian car. But joking aside, at least they didn't try for human skin, I have a feeling that would have been even more expensive. Who knows, maybe there is a spot for a special edition.
      • 5 Years Ago
      "nec plus ultra" is in correct latin (but it's ok also "non plus ultra")
      • 5 Years Ago
      So can I still get them made out of an elephant's third tusk? ;)
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