Our friendly allies from Britain are known to have designed some truly beautiful automobiles over the years. Sadly, for all their inventive engineering and design talents, one thing that British cars have never been known for is reliability. Or rather, perhaps we should say that British car were never known for their reliability – the once mighty auto industry of the UK is something of a lion in winter these days.
Of course, that doesn't mean cars aren't still bought and sold in the UK – heck, a bunch are even still built there, but they aren't generally assembled by companies with English ownership. Of course, reliability can be a rather hit-or-miss issue no matter where a car is built. To highlight this fact, the blokes from Warranty Direct have put together a so-called Monster MK1, an imaginary car made up of the worst parts of what their data says are the least reliable cars on British roads.
Starting with the drivetrain, the Nightmare Car boasts the engine from an MG TF mated up to the transmission from a Land Rover Freelander. Suspension bits come from the BMW M3, which means it ought to handle pretty well... until it doesn't any more – apparently, nearly 40 percent of M3s in Britain need suspension repairs each year.
Moving on, the Volvo C70 donates its steering gear and the Mercedes-Benz V-Class van gives up its shoddy ignition. Wiring and electronics come from the Renault Megane, 40 percent of which will five up the ghost, while the air conditioning and various heating and cooling bits come from a pair of SEAT models. Bringing it all to a halt, assuming it actually got moving in the first place, are the brakes from an Audi A8.
See the horrid conglomeration of haphazard workmanship in its full high-res glory by clicking on the image above. Alternatively, you can read all about this absurd piece of garbage in the press release after the break.
If Dr Frankenstein built a car, it would surely look something like this – meet the Monster Mk1.
The Warranty Direct-inspired horror vehicle would break down every other month and cost an average of £2,050 to fix each year.
By uniting the cars with the worst profiles across the categories that make up its Reliability Index (www.reliabilityindex.com), a unique tool that measures car reliability by considering average cost of repair, frequency of failure, age and mileage, Warranty Direct reckons its ghastly creation is the stuff of nightmares.
The disastrous car cocktail draws its power from an MG TF engine, sits on the suspension of a BMW M3, has the electric workings of the Renault Megane, the gearbox of a Land Rover Freelander and the braking ability of the Audi A8.
Overall, the Monster Mk1 claims a Reliability Index figure of over 500 – more than five times that of the average car.
The 'body parts' of the 'Nightmare MK1'
Make and Model Car part
Audi A8 Brakes
BMW M3 Suspension
MG TF Engine
Land Rover Freelander Gearbox
Mercedes-Benz V-Class Ignition
Renault Megane Electrics
SEAT Alhambra Air-conditioning
SEAT Toledo Heating & Cooling systems
Volvo C70 Steering system
Overall, the Reliability Index shows that four in 10 vehicles require a trip to the workshop each year and some models can cost up to £7,000 a time to fix.
Warranty Direct managing director, Duncan McClure Fisher, said: "The Monster Mk1 represents the worst-performing vehicles in every sector, from suspension to electrics, on our roads today.
"The wide range of cars included in our special blend highlights how mostly reliable cars can be dragged down by one problem part."
Nearly 40 percent of BMW M3s require repairs to axle and suspension components alone each year, while the same proportion of Renault Meganes report an electrical fault.
One in five Land Rover Freelanders suffer transmission glitches each year and the same number of Audi A8s will need repairs to their brakes.
Close to a quarter of MG's TF sports cars will experience engine troubles, while if you like keeping cool, beware the SEAT Alhambra; more than one in eight will need their air-con fixed during a typical year.
The Monster Mk1 was created using Warranty Direct's database of 50,000 live policies on cars aged five years on average.
Warranty Direct cover starts from as little as £15 a month. For more information on the reliability of your vehicle, visit www.reliabilityindex.com, or for a quote on cover www.warrantydirect.co.uk.