Knight Rider Liveblog
Season 1, Episode 3
"Knight of the Iguana"
October 8, 2008
8:00 PM -- Sort of.

All times are Eastern.
The Part Before The Opening Credits: Mike and Billy stalk each other in the KITTcave with Super Soakers. Mike and KITT double-team Billy, with KITT coming in off the turnbuckle using his washers to zap Billy. KITT says, at one point during this, "Direct hit." Yes, unlike the show itself.

Still Before the Opening Credits: We learn that Mike has to go to Baja to look into a terror cell, because Baja is such a hotbed of terrorism. Mike is apparently afraid of water, and for some reason I wasn't paying attention to, Sarah can't ride shotgun in bikini mode, which sucks. Instead, Mike is paired with Zoe. Off they go with boards strapped to the roof.

8:12: Zoe babbles about surfing and wants fish tacos. My lunch hour was more interesting than this, and all I did was have a salad.

8:13: Zoe, in bikini mode, and Mike arrive at their "honeymoon" room. Mike is uncomfortable with Zoe "keeping it real" and making out. Dumb tequila joke. KITT finds missing agent's beacon. Zoe now in full bikini mode. NBC at least is trying with the 18-34 demo...

8:16: Mike follows the cool old Landcruiser up the hill. Landcruiser guy hits KITT with a missile. Bad special effects explosion makes KITT disappear like he got shot by a phaser set to "kill." But I know where this is going because I already peeked at the comments. Fast-forwarding commercials.

8:20: KITT is a submarine now, and this show has Turbo Boosted its ass over every shark in the Pacific Ocean.

8:21: The extraction team sleeps with the fishes. KITT rips off the scene from The Spy Who Loved Me and drives onto the beach.

8:22: Mike and KITT are debating whether or not he should shack up with Zoe. KITT is far less conflicted about this than strapping young Mike.

8:23: Is it me, or does the soundtrack to this show feel like someone never stops changing the station on the radio?

8:24: Bikini segue, Zoe speaks Spanish to people. The least intimidating dudes ever confront Mike.

8:25: Ass-kicking ensues, Mike's gonna get stabbed....no...some random plot element dude saves him.

8:28: Zoe is smart like Columbo, and thinks this guy might not be so good. Big surprise, KITT has his whole file. The dude and the other dudes are all probably on the same Bad Guy Team. Zoe wants a piece of Mike. Sarah and the tool, Billy, show up. Zoe wakes up looking all disheveled talking about how last night was epic. Dirty girl. Sarah is, like, shocked and appalled.

8:40: Silly banter as everyone pretends they aren't jealous of each other, and Billy pretends not to be staring at Zoe and wishing he got to be undercover pretend hubby like Mike. Knight Rider 90210 continues...

835: Surfboards off, Billy doesn't like nature, and Zoe goes surfing with the bad guys.

8:39: Mike has never surfed before, and now he das to to in order to catch the bad guy. He asks KITT how to get up on a surfboard, because asking a talking car that's also a submarine is the only thing to do in a situation like this.

And, I'm back caught up to live TV.

8:45: KITT is monitoring the Evil Winnebago Headquarters with his infared and parabolic mic. Naturally, Billy, Super Soaker assassin extraordinaire, has to be a field operative now, too. He's ultra stealthy in Hawaiian shirt, panama hat, and zinc oxide on his nose.

8:46: Billy sees that the bad guys have next-gen Knight Industries super stealth smart missiles that they probably shouldn't have. Everybody back to the KITTcave...

8:48: Yelling in the KITTcave as we learn that the bad guys have exposed themselves. KITT goes into The Fast and the Furious mode. Zoe and Sarah have to share shotgun, as the iCarly-level plotting and dialogue continues. Super secret missile Winnebago stops on a hill so it can take a shot at a nuclear power plant. Ultimate J.C. Whitney Mode KITT is on the way to save the day.

8:51: The bad guy says, "Thar she blows." Not making this up. Something definitely does blow, though...

8:55: KITT, who can handle magic napalm missiles (episode 1) and turn into trucks and submarines, can't handle four of these missiles, says Bruce Davison, because that's what the plot calls for.

8:56: Mike takes on the Pacific Sunwear Gang mano-a-mano. Sarah powerslides Super JDM Mode KITT. People are calling each other "Bro."

8:57: Bad guy knows Mike from back in the day. KITT uses yet another magic feature, an amplifier, to reverse the missile bad dude launched.

8:58: Missile impact. Bad guy is dust. Everyone worried about Mike's fate. Don't they know NBC ordered 13 episodes? Big surprise: Mike's fine. Everyone makes lame surf jokes, and Mike and Billy get ready to duel with Super Soakers again. I propose they use real guns with live ammo.

VERDICT: Slightly less boring than last night's presidential debate.

NEXT WEEK: Mike gets poisoned! I wonder how it ends.

Thanks for sitting through this again, all you gluttons for punishment in Readerland. G'night.