These are also all Mustangs

The news that Ford will be naming its new performance-oriented electric SUV the "Mustang Mach-E" has cheesed off a lot of people. However, before you go full Stilton, allow us to remind that the car you see above was also a Mustang. Indeed, there have been quite a few cars named Mustang, that by the standards of today and the 1960s, would be absolutely pathetic and possibly anger-enducing. Admittedly, most of these crimes occured in the 1970s, often in verdant fields with handsome couples standing beside their shiny new cars. Because that's just what you did in the '70s. - James Riswick, West Coast Editor

Ah, but the crimes did not start with the Mustang II. No, no. This is the 1973 Mustang Grande, which ballooned to absurd 1970s proportions. You could land a Huey on that hood. Ford would then proceed to over correct.

Channeling Stefon, if you're looking for a car that's apparently a Mustang, this Mustang II has everything. A landau roof, gold wheels with white wall tires, gold door trim, a man possibly in lederhosen at a rifle range. His hostage. 

Is that Timothy Dalton? Cause I'm pretty sure that's Timothy Dalton.

Yeah, things didn't really get much better with the Fox platform in 1979. It got boxier, sure. And the ads got more Toni Basily. 

Even with a new generation, they just couldn't give up the damn landau roof, could they? Remember, this car is apparently a predecessor of this. 

Sometime couples took a break from verdant fields and stood in black voids with their Mustang II's instead.

And occasionally they would take some time away from their wife and/or mistress to work on their biplane. The '70s must've been a hoot. 

I showed a friend this picture last night and he asked, "Is that a Cavalier?" Not a bad guess. I would've gone with K-Car LeBaron convertible. Just slap on some wood paneling and you'd have John Voigt's car. Except he doesn't spell it like that, George. 

Seems perfectly fine, right? Wrong! This is the 1969 Mustang E. That letter does not stand for electric. No, no. It's for economy, for which its lame 155-hp inline-six still wasn't really capable of. It went from zero to 60 in 13.3 seconds. Why she's so eagerly running toward it is anyone's guess. She's definitely quicker. 

My mother owned this exact car. The 1970 Mustang Grande, in this color, with that weird not-landau vinyl roof and with houndstooth cloth seats. That's not her in the picture with the three maitre d's.