- HHR SS Panel Van
- We love the Chevy HHR Panel. It's way cooler-looking than it's window-clad sibling, and in SS trim it's damn fun to drive, too. The HHR isn't a good first date vehicle, however, because nothing puts up more red flags on a first date than a vehicle without windows.
- Scion xB
- The last generation Scion xB was unique. It wasn't pretty, but showed that its owner walked to his or her own beat. The new, curvier xB lost its Fonzy, as evidenced by the sudden up-tick of 39 year-old MBAs at your local Scion store. Not every date is looking for someone "cool", but the xB provides a double dose of date repellent by also being unappealing to the eye.
- Lotus Elise
- The Lotus Elise is a hot car that just so happens to be one of the most nimble pieces of transportation on earth, but getting in and out of these things is a challenge at best. You might as well pick up your date in a Jamaican Bobsled. On the bright side, effort-free ingress and egress gives some indication of agility... We don't know exactly what that means, but it could be a good thing.
Mercury Grand Marquis
- Mercury Grand Marquis
- Nothing says "My grandfather died and left me his car" like a night out in the Mercury Grand Marquis. It's also tough to have fun when people keep mistaking your love machine for a taxi cab. The Grand Marquis is a real throw-back to the days of RWD body-on-frame sedans, but your date likely won't go out of his or her way to extol the virtues of the Mercury's floating, glassy ride.
- Ford Taurus
- Nothing says "My grandfather died and left me his Grand Marquis, and my dad wanted to borrow it so I'm stuck with his car" quite like the Ford Taurus. It's big, spacey and devoid of any manner of style. Ford tried to market the Taurus based on its elevated seating position and size of its 22-cubic-foot trunk, but the buying public wasn't impressed. We doubt your date will be all that excited, either.
- Infiniti QX56
- The QX56 is huge, guzzles gas and looks like it was designed by a team of drunken Picasso poseurs. Driving a QX56 tells your date that you spend no time picking anything based on aesthetics, which will make your date wonder why you picked him or her to begin with. Unfortunately, if you already own this hulking utility vehicle, there isn't exactly a market for really expensive used SUVs, so you can always date other QX56 owners - if you can find them.
Ford F-350 Super Duty Dually
- Ford F-350 Super Duty Dually
- Lets get this straight: we're not knocking this badass truck. It can tow 18,000 pounds and there is little Ford's 19-foot-long hauler can't do at the job site or on the farm. But unless you met your date at a tractor pull or Toby Keith concert, you don't want to show up in a 9/8 scale Bigfoot that can tow Rhode Island.
- Chevy Uplander
- Picking up a date in a minivan means you're either very cocky or incredibly uninteresting. Show up at someone's house in a Chevy Uplander and not only are you that guy with that minivan, but you picked the worst possible one.
Toyota Yaris 3-Door
- Toyota Yaris 3-Door
- There is nothing wrong with owning a new car at the lower end of the economic spectrum, but the Toyota Yaris looks like an Eastern European clown car. Well, we guess the Yaris would be OK if you were taking your date to the circus, because that way you can tell them it's a themed outing.
Ferrari 599 GTB
- Ferrari 599 GTB
- Any time you get behind the wheel of a Ferrari, you're having a good day. The 599 GTB has all the goods: the prancing horse, a 600+ hp V12 and a $300,000 price tag. But it's not for first dates. We know you think we're crazy here, but if you show up with one of the hottest supercars around, the date peaks at "Holy $!%*, nice car!", and has nowhere to go but down.