"I Wanna Rock & Roll All Knight" A criminal couple with congressional ties threatens to reveal the secrets of Knight Industries.
See you masochists after the jump.
Knight Rider Liveblog
Season 1, Episode 7
"I Wanna Rock & Roll All Knight"
November 12, 2008
All times are Eastern.
7:58: Hello, brave souls.
8:00: Mike and Sarah are wrestling. Get a room. Billy and Zoe are playing voyeur and eating popcorn in KITT. Sarah punches Mike. Twice. KITT is chatting like Dr. Ruth in the form of a Mustang. Let's see that transformation, producers.
8:02: Torres tells Mike he's going out, all angry-like. Because his contract is one of the ones getting the axe. Mike and Sarah shower together but not really. Everybody is watching this week's villains in HD in the KITTcave.
8:04: The Bonnie & Clyde bad guys are anarchists who want to "take out the military-industrial complex" Translation: this is why the show is getting a reboot. The KITTcave crew is keeping secrets from Mike. And we go to the starting.
8:08: Outside: KITT racing down the highway. Inside: the background moves by at like 30 mph. The losers back at the Fortress of Suck are watching Mike and Sarah talk in the car. And the conversation they're having? Boring.
8:10: Billy's onscreen, dishing about web chatter. There was just like 20 seconds of dead air. "You rhyme like a white boy and not a Beastie Boy." Again, this is why the current formula is getting thrown in the shredder in a few weeks.
8:11: The bad-guy couple may even be more irritating than Mike and Sarah. Team Baddie's Super Bee sticks out even more than KITT, who runs down the history of the '70 Hemi Super Bee like he's hosting Barrett-Jackson.
8:13: Billy and Zoe are simply obsessed with whether Mike and Sarah are going to bump uglies. Billy tellz Zoe he imagined she was some character in "Planetary Warcraft." Why am I hearing this during Knight Rider. KITT , as usual, can't figure out what the Team Baddie's next target is gonna be, while Mike and Sarah trick a cop by making out.
8:16: Now KITT figures out a potential target. Generic rock soundtrack ensues. C4. Mike chucks it into the alley. KITT absorbs the blast.
8:18: Sarah: "How are we gonna find these guys?" Me: "How about waiting by their car?" Ahh, the old pull-the-fire-alarm trick. KITT detects explosives.
8:20: The baddie chick is a congressman's daughter. Torres says not to shoot. Baddie Chick is unencumbered by such instructions and pops Mike with her shotgun. Flesh wound, natch.
8:25: Sarah plays field surgeon on Mike's shoulder. KITT projects Graiman and the KITTcave Crew on the hood for an update. The congressman dad has magically appeared next to Torres and Graiman. He "doesn't want her hurt." Mike should clearly bust a cap in her ass.
8:28: KITT uses his magic software to analyze a photo and determine the next probable target. Naturally, it's within driving distance. OK, in the Knight Rider universe, we're supposed to believe the cops can't find a rare Mopar painted I-am-visible-from-Mars yellow?
8:30: On cue, Bonnie & Clyde show up. Mike and Sarah move in, packing heat. Clyde has now turned on Bonnie. Threatens to kill her, which would be A-OK by me. Mike and Sarah capitulate. Adios Mopar, Bonnie runs to Mike's arms and hugs him, even though she shot him like 5 minutes ago. Schizo.
8:35: KITT returns to the Fortress of Suck, where the tarmac has been wet down, as usual. Bonnie reunites with Congressman Daddy. She gets the bracelets, and Daddy tells her to lawyer up. Inside KITT Central, Billy and Zoe are taking bets on how many more episodes until i kill myself...I mean, whether or not Bonnie rolls on Clyde.
8:38: More talking, only nothing interesting is being said. Mike and Sarah go to shoot pool. Hopefully someone is impaled by a cue in a tragic accident. Billy is aghast -- one of the firewalls is down. Bonnie has managed to hack in and steal all the critical KITTcave mission and personnel secrets. I swear, my wireless network is more secure than that stupid place.
8:44: Here's hoping for another writer's strike. ATTACK MODE. That neon is pimp, yo. Billy's yapping onscreen -- again with the chatter on the web. Everyone is frantic that the secret info will get on the internet. KITT moving to intercept the van holding Bonnie, Carrie, and Congressman Daddy. Bang. Death toll: 1 Super Bee. Bonnie and Clyde suck face. KITT returns to normal mode, because SEMA ended last week.
8:48: Everyone has escaped. Who wants to bet their getaway car's a Ford? Holy crap -- massive, obvious in-show plug for the Good Year Assurance Ultra Tread ("The most popular tire...blah blah") as KITT ID's tire tracks on scene. KITT rolls out. I roll my eyes.
8:52: Driving through the desert. KITT's miracle satellite imagery can now see inside other cars on the highway. Everyone's worried Carrie's dead. Not me. And even if she lives, she's toast in the show reboot. Wow, the bad guy has traded down from a Super Bee to a Dodge Stratus. Naturally, KITT has not simply overtaken and ended this.
8:55: KITT cannot fire two tire spikes simultaneously, because that would be useful. But he can see what you're doing in your house right now. Ruh-roh -- baddies have uploaded the files to the web. ... but no, Billy has intercepted. Baddies want to take off in KITT. Everybody's bantering. I pray for a meteor to hit where everyone is standing.
8:57. Baddies get in KITT. KITT hits them with non-lethal gas. Carrie's OK. Billy and Zoe commiserate and almost kiss, but Mike and Sarah show up. Mike says congress has increased funding for the KITT program. Good thing -- maybe he'll be able to outrun fleet rental cars now.
8:59: Next week, Mike, KITT and Billy go to Vegas. Skin quotient will be very, very high at least.
Thanks to any of you lunatics who actually sat through this with me. See ya next week.