We've had a flood of tip emails that Jeremy Clarkson's been seen on a Vespa, so you know he's been up to something. That something is a hilarious invective against motorbiking, with a short bit about the Vespa at the very end. The verdict: you will be killed. The main message is that riding a motorbike as a financial decision is dubious at best, as a bike and all its required equipment will run you more than a new VW Golf; oh, and you'll be killed. If you still want to try and cheat death, your cost of operation will be extremely low, as bikes are more fuel efficient
than said Golf, and the first time you turn left, you'll fall off and dash your brains out, rendering yourself dead, which will make biking even more inexpensive for you. It's safe to say that the esteemed Mr. Clarkson prefers automobiles. Thanks for the tip, Kris!
, photo: Paul Hennessy/Gorilla Pictures]