Despite previous rumors to the contrary, BMW CEO Helmut "Hanke" Panke now insists that the spinning props will not produce a minivan (digitally invented at right), and instead will pursue vehicles that are simply roomier. One option could provide a "comfortable business-lounge environment" (does that include highballs?) with three rows of seating, while another strategy might be an SAV/wagon platform with coupe characteristics, not unlike Mercedes' R-Class. Panke says the new whip "is not a people mover," because "any BMW brand solution will not just offer space." That's right, it will also offer you the chance to be ridiculed by your jealous and worse-off family members who think a Dodge Caravan can "get the kids to soccer practice just the same." Cretins.

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