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Ever wonder why the Guinness Book of World Records is so darn big? We're not exactly experts on the ins and outs of officially recognized feats, but we'd have to say it's because the organization will put its stamp of approval on just about anything imaginable. Like, for instance, the top speed of a toilet.

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Paul Stender is a former NASCAR and Indy Car mechanic that loves speed. In fact, Paul loves going fast so much that the internal combustion engine has taken a back seat to jet engines, and everything in his Speed for Hire stockpile comes equipped with rip-roaring turbine power, even his port-o-jet.

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Yeah, the 6-Speed Plunger is pretty cool and the Downshift handle novel, but neither can help you out with one of the bathroom's most vexing problems. We've all been there. Done with our work, we glance right, then left, to find no T.P. Crap! (yes, literally) Your wife/husband/significant other forgot (again, right?) to refill the roll. And who can blame them? It's such a menial, time-consuming, boring task. Release the roll holder, remove the empty tube, throw away empty tube, install full roll

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