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Lincoln Town Car turned Rolls-Royce Hearse – Click above for high-res image gallery

In this situation you might think we'd be at a loss for words. However, a Lincoln Town Car hearse cut to look like a Rolls-Royce Phantom gets our little fingers fluttering. Sadly, most of what we want to type isn't fit for print. At least the seller's description provides a good deal of comic... something. Have a look:
"Here it is! Open the doors to one of the most money making industries. The funeral business. I had a customer tell me that I should do a RR Hearse. It took me about a year to do it but I am so glad I did. The first funeral we did, the owner of that funeral home was so impressed with the reaction from his customers that he wanted to buy it from me. I did not want to sell it because I have 3 funeral homes wanting to book it almost every day. And they not only book the hearse but they also now book the 6 pack limo for the family from us."
Fair enough. We suppose money is one possible explanation for this sort of you-ain't-fooling-no-one creation is filthy lucre. In fairness, it does possess one killer app. You ever seen a funeral procession going down the street and think to yourself, "I wonder what sex that corpse is?" Wonder no more, as this hearse has blue fog lights for boy stiffs, and pink ones for the (dead) ladies. Here's some more from the seller:
"We went from not doing funerals to doing almost 3 to 5 funerals per week and at $395.00 per 4 hr. funeral for the hearse and $395.00 for the 6 pack limo! You do the math. The other great thing is that 90% of funerals are Monday through Friday. They don't get drunk, no trashing the limo and they are done by mid day. And if they do go over, then it is an aditional $95 per car, per hr."
Straight boo ya! Doing the math, that's nearly $800 per funeral. Pure profit, man. Except for the little part about who in their right mind would want to go to their grave in this thing?!? Oh, and in case you thought a fake Roller is the only hearse your fledgling business will need, click immediately to the back of the gallery to see some more phonies. Finally, in a perverse way we're stoked we finally found a Town Car worse than this one.

[Source: eBay]

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    • 1 Second Ago
      • 5 Years Ago
      Updating my will now.
      • 5 Years Ago
      I would demand that my family use this hearse. This is awesome.
        • 5 Years Ago
        me too. Who would know the difference, besides enthusiasts who read this blog?
        • 5 Years Ago
        You miss the point. It's the theft of intellectual property. No matter how you try to rationalize it, it's theft.
        • 5 Years Ago
        @ invisiblepigeon3:

        "I wonder if the people who worked on the real Phantom would share your sentiment, since they worked hard to make it, and someone else plagarized it."

        Those people should have worked harder. They're fugly.
        • 5 Years Ago
        It's lovely!

        • 5 Years Ago
        Pirated music? What the?

        Pirated music isn't "fake." The 0's and 1's don't know the difference.
      • 5 Years Ago
      I wouldnt be caught dead in that thing!
        • 5 Years Ago
        I guess that you would have to be brain-DEAD to rent this.

        Eh, not as good as yours.
        • 5 Years Ago
        @ jae: best comment here.
      • 5 Years Ago

      If you can make so much money with this POS, why is it for sale?
        • 5 Years Ago
        Yeah right? Just what I was thinking, it's so profitable that......I need to sell it??
      • 5 Years Ago
      I've seen worse RR imitations..
      • 5 Years Ago
      I hope that RR sues the F*** out of whatever ****sucker made this POS. Seriously, I'm so sick of counterfeitting morons out there. This thing needs to be burned to the ground!
      • 5 Years Ago
      Is this a violation of IP and trademark laws?
      • 5 Years Ago
      Not being racist but... I bet most of the people that sign up for this hearse are African American... Just sayin'
        • 5 Years Ago
        that is racist, and even if it were true it would be because of population. gather any group of people with poor taste and they will pay for this african, european, asian, or otherwise.
        • 5 Years Ago
        Just because he said what most people are thinking does not make him a racist.
        Is there anyone here that can honestly dispute that it will almost be entirely black people that use this?

        Not all black people are ghetto, just like all white people are not trailer trash and all Italians are not mobsters.

        This will appeal to ghetto black people, not black attorneys, doctors and engineers etc.
        It may also appeal to white people and Asian people that want to be ghetto and gangster also...

        The major reason that I know that this will appeal to black people is that it is white.
        My neighbor who is black actually pointed that out to me.
        He said, did you ever notice white people always have black hearses and black people always have white hearses.
        After I stopped laughing I thought about it and realized he was right.
        Think about it.
        • 5 Years Ago
        1. I think that is a racist remark.
        2. I think you're wrong and this vehicle will appeal to others as well.
        3. (like Jae) I wouldn't be caught dead it that thing!

        and lastly... what the HE## did they make that grille from??!! it looks like spray painted cardboard! I hate knock offs, especially cheap ones. I hope BMW sues them!
        • 5 Years Ago
        people are so sensitive about racial matters, they qualify statements about race with 'not being racist but...' or '...just sayin'' and when you do that, expect to get mocked.

        here's an idea, go up to a cop and say 'don't mind me, i'm just a law abiding citizen not planning to rape that woman i'm looking at.' see how it works?

        so you're saying if that fake rolls royce were painted black, white people would start using it more? "n-word ending with an a" please.

        anyway, what else do you think black people and white people like?
        • 5 Years Ago
        So "just saying" something racist is OK? Do you not actually believe it? Is it a poor attempt at humor? Regardless, you have utterly failed to be anything BUT racist.

        To get back on topic, being transported in such an abomination is a fate WORSE than death.
        • 5 Years Ago
        you're right venom, "just because he said what most people are thinking does not make him a racist."

        the part where he said that black people probably like this hearse was racist though.

        you're safe though, because a black guy you know said that black people like white hearses and white people like black ones. because, number one you know a black guy, and two the black guy said the racist thing first. and when a black guy says something racist, it makes it un-racist.

        but seriously, i looked it up and it turns out black people did use this hearse at a 4:1 ratio to whites because the limo company (ghetto blacks limo co.) gave away free fried chicken and watermelon to customers.
        • 5 Years Ago

        How exactly is someone making a statement that white people prefer black hearses and black people preferring white hearses racist?
        Same vehicle, just a different color.
        The statement is correct as far as I have seen for myself and even if it was not, it still would not be a racist statement.

        If someone said black people prefer contemporary homes and white people preferred traditional homes, is that a racist statement? No, it is not.

        People in this country have been trained to be so hyper sensitive to race, they won't say what is really on their minds.
        If you see an 80's Monte Carlo with big chrome rims, tinted windows and loud music coming from it, it is usually a black person. If you see a newer stock Buick with a handicapped plate driving slowly, it is usually an old white person, usually an old white lady.

        Sometime things are not racist, just statements of truths.
        • 5 Years Ago
        it's a good thing you explained that you weren't being racist, and that you were just sayin'.

        if you're just saying it, just say it: "this hearse is for mooncrickets."
        • 5 Years Ago
        556 that was such a typical whitey thing to say
        • 5 Years Ago
        quote from homunculus:
        - "anyway, what else do you think black people and white people like?" -

        That's easy,



      • 5 Years Ago
      That is one of the most ostentacious things I have ever seen. And rims on a hearse? Really?
      • 5 Years Ago
      If only life would do us all a liitle justice and deliver Max Mosley in this vehicle.

      (I wonder if the funeral company accepts Natzi-sex offenders?)
      • 5 Years Ago
      That is really, really awful...heinous. The grill looks like cheap plastic venetian blinds. And WHAT is going on with that front bumper thing? I think this should be one of the next cars featured on Trailer Park Boys.
      • 5 Years Ago
      As ugly as that thing is I can sadly see a market for this and surprised we dont see more of them around. I hope those rims where a temporary thing just a tad bit well "off".

      Though now I think of it I want to be brought to my grave in a CTS-V Hearse.
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