And so, we arrive at the post-reboot Knight Rider era, also known as garbage time, wherein the leftover players run out the clock to cancellation. Tonight's episode, written and directed by showrunner Gary Scott Thompson, the architect of this disaster, is called "Exit Light, Enter Knight." Metallica's lawyers are on line two, Gary.
The synopsis, via KR Online:
BAIT AND SWITCH--Mike jumps into the thick of a bank heist and tries to stop it, but instead becomes one of the robbers' hostages. Oddly, the robbers do not seem interested in the bank's money. Apparently, they have a specific plan that includes the safe deposit boxes and the husband of one of their hostages. Unable to communicate with KITT and his team, Mike tries to enlist the help of the other hostages to stop the robbers from escaping. Unfortunately, one of the so-called hostages is one of the robbers, which makes Mike's job even more difficult.
The drama. I can barely contain myself.
Knight Rider Liveblog
Season 1, Episode 13
"Exit Light, Enter Knight"
January 28, 2009
8:00 PM Eastern
8:00: Chick Gray's Anatomy music. Mike snoring. Like most of the television audience. KITT drives. Billy and Zoe snoring too. This sucks a lot so far.
8:02: Mike needs coffee. I need tequila or something. Fleet of evil Fords arrives. Gunmen shooting. A BMW dies. KITT calls the cops. Wants S.W.A.T. Mike trying to save a kid in an Edge. Concern at the Fortress of Suck. Kid saved. Mom in danger. Five-O arrives. In Fords, natch. Mike tells PD he's DEA. PD is very giving, offers M16 in trunk.
8:07: Lousy recreation of the finale of Heat continues. Rent-a-cops buy farm. Mike storms bank. Tackles a gunner. But one's behind him. Gunner: "Move another inch, and I'll blow your head off." A second ago, these guys were shooting at anything that moved. Mike is their prisoner. Well, I know how that feels....
8:11: Gunmen threatening people. Shoot ceiling. Yelling. People cry. They must feel bad for NBC. KITT playing ambulance, bringing injured officer to hospital. Billy and the saved little girl, Maddie, have a conversation. Now Sarah has a conversation with Maddie. Now they want the kid to keep KITT a secret. She's like 5. The whole kindergarten's gonna know tomorrow.
8:14: Hospital parking lot is KITT's personal Formula D event. Drops off kid and cop. I suppose the hospital staff's gonna keep quiet about the driverless car, too. Arguments on whether to involve police to save Mike. KITT recommends Zoe seek therapy.
8:15: Hostage with cell phone. Dead in 3...2...1. Oh, Mike takes the phone. Texts the FoS with the skinny on the gunmen. Now they execute a hostage to show they mean business. Well, duh. Zoe: "They shot him in cold blood." Well, what'd you expect?
8:18: S.W.A.T. arrives. Unfortunately, Robert Urich is no longer with us. Now we learn the shot hostage is alive. KITT provides cover for SWAT. No one is intrigued by the driverless, bulletproof car. Mike breaks the no-talking rule and takes a rifle butt to the noggin.
8:24: We're back. Evil black-ops bank robber drags Mike into the vault where the safety deposit boxes are. Wants to beat info out of Mike. More "plot development" as Billy and KITT devise a plan to save the day. Bank robber ninja "has plans for" Mike. Now we're having the helpless hostages put money in bags for the bad guys. Is this a metaphor for the stimulus bill the House passed earlier tonight? Close up of bomb. 3..2...1...
8:32: KITT clones SWAT leader's voice. Billy watches tape of the attack so that he can have a eureka moment later in the show. Mike drills into safe deposit box, which conveniently holds what looks like a .357. Into the waistband it goes.
8:34: Billy and Zoe deconstruct the robbers' assault tactics. KITT realizes he's not texting with Mike. Now there's confusion. KITT traces it back to Gary Scott Thompson's initial keystrokes as he penned this turkey of a script. Robbers make demands. Jet. Runway. Etc. Threats to kill hostages follow.
8:37: Now the kid Maddie's mom is some sort of key to solving this. KITT calls Maddie, who is not in any way traumatized by her morning. "Hi KITT!" Bank: Mike on the offensive. He wins. Gun in the face of the bad guy but... female hostage is with the bad guys. She pulls a submachine gun out of a safety deposit box. And now we see that one of the gunmen is actually a real hostage. If this is supposed to be the new, improved Knight Rider, NBC fails. Again.
8:45: 15 minutes to go. Many Econolines arrive. In the vault, a hostage gets dropped. Robber Leader shoots the hostage with the codes in the leg. His girlfriend with the MAC-10 needs to die horribly. They put Mike and other hostages in the bad guy costumes so that SWAT kills them. Multiple Dark Knight callouts occur in the comments. Maddie's dad apparently works for the power company. They want him to kill the power grid so Hans Gruber can get the bearer bonds out of the Nakatomi Building. Oh sorry, wrong plotline...
8:49: In the FoS, a collective Eureka Moment. Snipers greenlit to ice Mike in disguise. KITT: "Sarah, we have a problem." Well, from where I sit, February becomes more enjoyable if Mike takes a bullet here...
8:52: Whose brand is more damaged -- NBC or Chrysler? Discuss. KITT orders SWAT to stand down. Everyone obeys the talking car. Los Angeles now has no power. Commence looting. Bad guys escape via some tunnel, which is conveniently lit up -- even though the city has no power. Mike follows. Bank goes boom.
8:54: Everyone is heading for the sewer, a fitting metaphor for the show in general. Mike knocks out a bad guy. KITT drives fast. Mike catches up to the baddies, who have electric motorcycles waiting. Mike takes out a pair of the robbers, gives chase. Everyone is complying with Obama's new California emissions requirements.
8:58: This chase is never-ending. Baddies emerge, get in a Crown Vic. KITT arrives. Crash. Fighting. Lead baddie down. Mike goes after the bitch girlfriend. Now she gets all sultry. She attacks. Falls down a hill. Sadly, she lives. Big reunion at the end. What crap.
Next Week: Tiki Barber guest stars. Seriously.