Ezra Dyer pits the Nissan GT-R versus... the Hummer H3T
Automobile's Ezra Dyer has a knack for positing the most intriguing vehicular questions in an inimitable, screamingly hilarious style. Who else would send Hummer's junior-level H3T against Nissan's heavyweight GT-R, and why? "I want to go bash around in the boonies with a jacked-up truck before somebody decides that that sort of thing is really so much fun that it should be illegal" is the perfect answer to that question. If vehicles weren't in some way about fun, we'd all be lining up for coveted used Trabants. The challenge was thus: run one vehicle on the road from Telluride to Lake City, while another hits the trail, Duke-Boys style. Both vehicles can be painted with anti-green when one considers their respective purposes. The GT-R is for chewing up miles and passing everything short of determined Porsche drivers, while the Hummer doesn't enjoy the free pass enviros give a Wrangler, but is a capable alternative to the Jeep when things heads off road. Hit the link to see whether an as-the-crow-flies route bests turbocharged brute force. Here's one thing we'll play spoiler on: the Hummer used less fuel.
[Source: Automobile]
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
BigMcLargeHuge 12:25PM (12/16/2008)
Not nearly as epic as a top-gear mega-race, due to the fact that it wasn't even close.
Really wish it was more descriptive. Like a play-by-play, not just highlights.
Reply
Adam Carolla 12:58PM (12/16/2008)
That article was way too long as it is. I quit after the first page.
BigMcLargeHuge 1:11PM (12/16/2008)
I was entertained enough to keep reading it. But that was just because I was hoping for some driving impressions.
All I know from this article is some hiker chick liked how the H3T looked.
Franz 12:25PM (12/16/2008)
That was a fun article.
"...my path becomes clogged with bikers, hikers, walkers, sightseers, joggers, meanderers, and general human speed bumps. And you can't just blow past them in a cloud of dust, because this is Colorado and people have guns."
LOL
Reply
why not the LS2LS7? 12:42PM (12/16/2008)
"Coloradobahn"
BirdmanSTX 12:50PM (12/16/2008)
I agree... very fun article. I was laughing out loud at several points. Coloradobahn.... love it... LOL
Hike15 7:04PM (12/16/2008)
""You may have gotten here first," I tell Jason, "but if you cared about the environment, you'd have driven a Hummer."'
that line just made my day
tell that to al gore
Mobius_1 12:30PM (12/16/2008)
It should say "passing everything including determined Porsche drivers".
This race would be more entertaining if they swapped paths. :P
Reply
Beastage 12:33PM (12/16/2008)
Swapped paths eh, let me try....
"Crashing everything including determined Porsche drivers" , just one word.
Torrent 12:35PM (12/16/2008)
I'm sure it's in the warranty booklet that your all four tires can't touch dirt at the same time or you void your warranty. Yeah I said it. Rate me down-I'll wear it on a shirt.
Seminole 12:41PM (12/16/2008)
I love Ezra's articles. His race in a Bentley GTC vs. FedEx was awesome.
Reply
kwsdurango 12:43PM (12/16/2008)
As someone who's done covered both the trail route (Suzuki 400 Dual Sport) and the road route (Porsche 911SC) I can easily see how the road route was faster. There are definitely opportunities where a good driver can go fast. And it's the kind of driving that sucks you in and makes you want to go faster, push your car and your mental limits. The hairpins are tight and g-force inducing, the moving obstacles (tourists in RV's) are challenging to pass and the whole experience is exilherating - in one way. The over mountain route via Engineer, Ophir, or any of the other passes is also breathtaking and I can't blame the photographer for wanting to stop for photos... SW Colorado (Telluride, Durango, Silverton, Rico, etc.) is one of the most beautiful places in the USA.
In my opinion, the driver of the off road route might have fared better on a bike. I never timed my trips because that wasn't the purpose but I do remember passing loads of trucks, jeeps, etc. because they had to spend more time navigating obstacles that I could go shooting through or over!
Good article.
Reply
blckstrm 1:07PM (12/16/2008)
I've got to echo the Hummer at Ikea comment.
I'm from Idaho, but I work in Detroit now for one of the Big 3. When I talk with co-workers from out here in the East (by the way, Midwest is the biggest misnomer ever invented. Where is Michigan midway west to, exactly? Lincoln Nebraska? But I digress).
Anyway, when I talk to coworkers from out here, they think Hummers are the biggest posermobiles on earth.
My wife and I think they eat Jeeps for breakfast.
The difference? I've driven off road in Moab. I've seen Jeeps do amazing things, but I've seen Hummers do impossible things. I'm used to seeing Hummers covered up to the roof rack in mud and dust, and I've actually even seen quite a number of Hummers whose owners have opted for even MORE ground clearance (via a lift and tires).
If you've only ever seen then at the mall, I can see why you'd be bugged.
I'm bugged too - bugged that posers and soccer moms flocked to the brand so hard that "Hummer" is now an environmental 4-letter word.
Soccer moms killed Hummer.
Reply
Travis 2:53PM (12/16/2008)
Also keep in mind how the Hummer brand was rolled out:
H1 - military based truck, go anywhere and built to military specifications.
H2 - Chevy Tahoe (ok, 2500 Suburban). Serious loss of "go anywhere" cred.
H3 - Pathetic. Underpowered with the straight-5, lugging around way too much weight, and a serious, serious blow to the "go anywhere" credibility of the original. It didn't help that rabid Jeep fans did anything they could to point out the newcomers shortcomings.
Now with V8 and other improvements they're better off-road, but they still have the stigma of a grocery-getter.
Aki 1:57PM (12/17/2008)
I don't mind the existence of Hummers per say, I can't stand the people usually behind the wheel. They usually go slow in the fast lane, try to cut you off thinking they own the road, then get enraged when *gasp* you don't swerve out of the way when they try cutting in. All this in the heart of San Francisco, where I'm sure their offroad clearance comes in handy when parking in Union Square. Actually truck drivers in Northern California in general drive this way, so it's not limited to Hummers.
Soccer moms didn't just kill Hummers, marketing did--they marketed it to soccer moms, and poseurs who try to make up for their deficiencies with a V8.
I love the ending of the article, full of irony.
Jared 11:05PM (12/16/2008)
This article was in the Jan. 09 Automobile.
The only reason I subscribe to automobile is to read Ezra's articles and the design break down sections.
Ezra had a natural talent for writing and it shows in his work. He combines low key satire with well structured sentences to make every read a new and good one.
He once wrote an article on hybrid drivers and their "hyper-mile-ing" and it was probably one of the funniest automotive articles i had ever read.
Reply
Dan 1:45PM (12/16/2008)
Another way to look at it is, would Hummer even exists for all those hardcore enthusiast if poseurs didn’t buy them in the number to keep the company afloat.
Reply
bill jackman 1:47PM (12/16/2008)
Props to Ezra and Automobile. I got sick of reading all the " Bows" in Motor Trend -- that exact phrase/headline is in almost every issue, sometimes multiple times -- and it just got incredibly annoying. It started to appear everywhere after the Aussie guy took the editor helm there. I'm a die-hard Automobile Mag guy now because the writing is so good.
When I flip back every now and then to an MT issue, the poor quality of writing in MT is really striking. Automobile simply has some of the best writers in the business.
Reply
bill jackman 1:52PM (12/16/2008)
Sorry -- HTML formatting messed up my glorious MT "bows" example.... You've seen it if you read MT. "Toyota Highlander Bows" - "BMW 6 Series Bows" - "Saleen Mustang Bows" ... Ultimately, this is what led to "Bill's Subscription Bows."
Frylock350 1:50PM (12/16/2008)
I think the most amusing thing is that the Hummer used less fuel :)
Reply