"Journey to the End of Knight". Mike infiltrates a racing gang with the help of an old army buddy; Sarah and KITT join him.
It's after the jump, kids.
Knight Rider Liveblog
Season 1, Episode 2
"Journey to the End of Knight"
October 1, 2008
All times are Eastern.
8:00 PMish: Mike arrives at some exotic car desert bar and challenges some dude to race. Dude ranks on KITT cause he's a Mustang.
8:06: KITT and the fake Lambo with Infiniti taillamps are neck-and-neck. The world's fakest background lazily scrolls by.
8:08: KITT being pwnd by nitrous. Super rice mode now active!
8:09: We have a turbo boost sighting, and it's used to show off an Edge's panoramic roof. Race over. Fakeborgfiniti goes boom in a big way. On to the opening credits, after the world's lamest street race.
8:10: Commercial. Nice to see it took show-runner Gary Scott Thompson a whole two weeks to go to the street-racing well. (Thompson is one of the people responsible for The Fast and the Furious, you see...)
8:12: KITT is on that turntable thing that looks like Tommy Lee's drum kit from the Girls, Girls, Girls tour (or was it Theatre of Pain?). This means we're at HQ, and the bad actors' committee is at full strength. Why is Bruce Davison yelling?
8:14: Busting this racing ring is apparently vital to national security. Bad guys are upset that they lost the race for Pinks. They offer Mike the Flamborghini, he wants their Saleen S7. Mike angles for a job driving for them.
8:16: Mike makes some joke about KITT getting in touch with his inner Prius. Alex (me) wishes he was in a coma. Mike and Sarah go visit Mike's Army buddy bartender at the Bad Guy Racing League Desert Tavern.
8:19: Uh-oh. The bad guys want Mike to get them a car exactly like they wrecked. I can suspend disbelief for talking, transforming, KITT, but if Mike goes to the local Lambonissan kit car dealership, I call BS.
8:23: Naturally, this fake Lambo is rare, and they need to steal it from some cheesy Ukrainian. Upside: we may get some Sarah-in-bikini action.
8:24: There's more drama in a VH1 reality show than this...
8:25: Sarah dons bikini so she can infiltrate the Ukrainian's harem. The remaining men still watching are OK with it.
8:26: KITT can make fake invitations and fake keys. It's like the food thing on Star Trek, but in the dashboard.
8:28: Knight Rider: Bikini Party is in effect. Sarah finds the garage. Ukrainian Hef is looking for some action. He gets his ass kicked by Sarah instead. Fakeborghini theft is successful. Sarah tells Mike her stupid bucket list, which sounds like a challenge for all viewers to change the channel.
8:32: Uh-oh, it's the Changs. They take the keys to the Infinighini. We go to commercial.
If you held a contest to write the worst dialogue ever spoken in a TV program, you couldn't come up with this crap. (Prays for cancellation before week three...)
8:35: We return to the KITTcave. Boring talking ensues. KITT is insufferably lame, researches gender roles in Westerns. Dialogue spirals toward after-school-special territory.
8:39: Back to the desert, where extras and contest winners gather to watch KITT race a Ford GT.
8:41: It's the pace car for an entire company, you know...
8:42: Funny, KITT's interior is Lexus-quiet at speed. I have a Mustang, I know this is impossible. Sarah in trouble, KITT bails on race.
8:44: Sarah safe. Mike sneaks into the garage -- hey look, a Spyker -- Mike takes a wrench to the shoulders. Someone please take one to my head.
Commercials: I may have to watch last night's The Shield again to rinse this Knight Rider out of my eyes and brain.
8:48: Mike is buried up to his head in the desert. The bad guys are ready to dune buggy him to DEATH!
8:50: KITT racing through the desert is oddly reminiscent of the original KR, and it's actually not bad at all.
8:50: KITT turning into the F-150 again, on the other hand, is bad.
8:51: $$$ F-150 placement $$$ over, KITT can safely become a Mustang again.
8:52: Sarah tells Mike's friend about KITT. Mike's friend saves Mike then pulls a Lando and betrays him. All we need is the banquet table with Vader and Boba Fett.
Commercial: And now, a poll:
8:56: KITT got EMP'd. Does this mean the show's over now?
8:57: Chang's pimp cast is very strong. Kicking Mike's ass. Mike's magic tattoo re-activates KITT. Mind that gunfire, guys...
8:58: KITT vaporizes the EMP device, then shoots a laser! Chases evil Chevy Surburban.
8:59: We have a ruh-roh. The Suburban, with Mike's friend at the wheel, flies off cliff. Boom. Fire. Death. Mike misses his friend, Lando. KITT says he'll be Mike's friend, instead. They watch westerns on KITTs HUD, and fade to black.
VERDICT: If this isn't cancelled inside of a week, there's a serious problem.
NEXT WEEK, BARRING CANCELLATION: Mike goes surfing. Seriously. Cowabunga, dude. I'm outta here. Possibly forever.