• Mar 12, 2008
A new report from The Onion details a new Department Of Transportation initiative to give reckless drivers their own space on highways, thus freeing them from the drudgery of actually driving. The new lanes will be of a special bowl design to keep cars on the right track while obviating the need for things like steering. Once the national highway system is fully upgraded with these lanes, that impatient meathead with the misaimed headlight won't have to ride your bumper in his pickup anymore. He'll have his own road space, complete with strategically stationed full-service hearses, ramps, padded embankments, and heavy guardrails to keep all those other idiots away from your close-following road compatriot, who's obviously a much more skillful driver.
For those of you that may not be aware: The Onion is satire!


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    • 1 Second Ago
  • 26 Comments
      • 6 Years Ago
      Sweet!! That lane should remove about 90% of drivers from the normal lanes allowing me to go on my merry way without having to deal with idiot drivers.

      Where do I sign the petition??
      • 6 Years Ago
      I read an insurance statistic that said that (iirc) 80% of drivers consider themselves good drivers. Obviously, most of those people are wrong. By insurance company and left-lane-hogging-rolling-road-block-A-holes, I'm a bad driver. But the guys I autox/track with, think I'm a good driver. It's all point of view. I had a cop pull me over for going too fast on a curve. He said it was dangerous for me to keep accelerating through that curve. I didn't try to explain to him why he was wrong.
      • 6 Years Ago
      dude, sarcasm
      • 6 Years Ago
      The 'Read' link is hosed.

      This comment is NOT satire.
        • 6 Years Ago
        I double checked it - seems to be working fine. Try clicking on the picture if you're getting no joy from the read link - though they both go to the same place.

        • 6 Years Ago
        Yeah, that can happen sometimes, sorry 'bout that.
        • 6 Years Ago
        I like it. I don't like to pay attention on a dreary turnpike or super-highway that i'll be on for the next 3 to 5 hours. Cradle me there.
        • 6 Years Ago
        Dan, it was broken earlier. Someone fixed it.

        What was wrong is that someone linked it such that it was:

        "http://http://www.urlhere.com"

        There was an extra http:// at the beginning that messed things up.
      • 6 Years Ago
      Favorite car Onion headline: Transformer Refuses to Turn Back into Volkswagen
      • 6 Years Ago
      Lol funny to read that part about the pickup drivers. I'd say the good majority of people driving like lunatics on the road are in pickup trucks. I don't get it. If you want to drive fast then buy a fast or sporty car, since you can get some pretty quick rides for about the same price as that full size pickup they're usually passing me in at 100mph.
      • 6 Years Ago
      haha. I'm glad you put that disclaimer in, because most of the regular Autoblog readers are familiar with the OTHER type of regular Autoblog reader...

      I was almost expecting to see 10 comments about "omg u kno onion is not reel rite?!1111!!!`~~~~ OMG OGM"

      Funny nonetheless. And oh, how true about the doofus with the misaimed headlight and riding your bumper in the right lane with a perfectly clear left lane. What the hell are you doing!?
      • 6 Years Ago
      to get to the page, click the read link then look in the address bar, it says http://http//www.theonion.com... etc
      just get rid of the second http//, so that it looks like this:
      http://www.theonion.com/content/news/dot_creates_new_lane_for_reckless?utm_source=slate_rss_1
        • 6 Years Ago
        nevermind, it is fixed now
      • 6 Years Ago
      Why don't they just make a designated "Drunk Driving" lane also?
        • 6 Years Ago
        The reckless lanes are for more than just poor driving - read the source article!
      • 6 Years Ago
      The problem with this, if it was true, is that stupid reckless drivers don't realize they're being stupid and reckless. They think everyone else is the moron, not them. Everyone would be driving in the normal lanes saying to themselves, that moron should be in the reckless lane, when in fact it is probably they that should be in the reckless lane. Yes, I realize this is satire.
      • 6 Years Ago
      Now, by reckless drivers do you mean the slow people that refuse to yield to faster moving traffic? Or the people that have to take evasive action to get around them because they don't have the common sense to get out of the way and let traffic run smoothly?
      If there's a car riding your bumper, it means you're not moving fast enough and you should just get over in the right lane. It's a pretty simple concept, yet 3/4's of the driving population can't grasp the concept of it.
        • 6 Years Ago
        Um, no by "reckless driver" they're talking about you. Yeah, people driving too slow are frustrating I'll absolutely give you that, but there is absolutely no excuse for tailgating - it's flat out obnoxious and juvenile, not to mention dangerous. Honestly, have did you take high school physics? No matter how amazing your brakes are, it's impossible for you not to rear-end someone if you're following close enough to do a rectal exam.
        • 6 Years Ago
        Scuse me dude, but there have been plenty of times where I am going over the speed limit, traffic is heavy (no place to pull over at the moment) and some dumbass is riding my bumper anyway.
      • 6 Years Ago
      While i realize this is satire...my feeling is that reckless drivers don't deserve a special lane, if anything, they need to walk. And as far as the comment about the folks with the mis-aligned headlight tailgating you, it's my opinion these folks, for the most part, are too stupid to even know that they have a burned out headlight.
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