If a G-Class Mercedes stirs dispassionate responses, there may still be a Mercedes for you. While the Gelandewagen is no joke in its own right, Daimler's own ultimate terra bully would roll right over it. Unimogs have been around for about fifty years, and were originally designed as go-anywhere, do-anything work trucks. The U500 Black Edition Unimog is still akin to a vehicular Chuck Norris, but luxed-up to the point that you'd hate to mar the blingy pedals with muddy boots.
England's BigLorryBlog had a chance to bruise the earth with one of these, and found it an object of workmen's desire. The U500 they sampled was not outfitted with any hard labor devices, so the ride was a bit bouncy, but nobody was complaining from the leather clad driver's perch with its own suspension. At €250,000, it's not cheap, but the good stuff never is. Here's what you say when someone questions your buying decision: "Buy the best, cry once. Now get outta my way before I make your Paseo scrap."
Thanks for the tip, Dan!