HUMMER Vandalized in DCGareth Groves had his newly-acquired 2005 HUMMER H2 SUT on the road for just five days, and now it's out of commission. Groves lives in what a neighbor described to The Washington Post as "liberal leaning" community. That same person felt compelled to add that "It's ridiculous to be driving a HUMMER." Apparently, she's not the only one who felt that way.

[Source: The Washington Post]


Groves' lifted and accessorized H2 didn't fit in his garage, so he had to street-park it in front of the house he and his mother share. After being the recipient of dirty looks and snarky comments for days, a pair of masked men decided to up the ante. We're guessing that since neither the G8 nor the WTO were gathered to provide them with an excuse and venue for wanton property destruction, the duo decided to take out their frustrations on a vehicle that conflicted with their ideology. All the windows were worked over with baseball bats, most of the lights were taken out (police believe a machete was used for that) and all four tires were knifed. In a parting shot, the crew scratched "FOR THE ENVIRON" into the paintwork, showing that they either got scared off early, ran out of bodywork to write on, or are illiterate morons. Possibly all of the above. A blogger friend of mine summed up the incident perfectly, calling it a case of "sanctimonious vandalism."

In the wake of the crime, Groves and a friend said that they've been getting smug, self-satisfied looks from some neighbors who pass by the now-damaged H2. They're not all taking pleasure in Groves' plight, though. One woman also quoted in the article admitted she disliked HUMMERs and owned a t-shirt that mocked the big SUVs. That shirt, she said, would likely be retired, as the act of vandalism disgusted her. She even called it a "hate crime" and pointed out that there are plenty of ways to make a statement without destroying someone's property. Groves wants to get the truck repaired, but he worries now that if he does, the same thing might happen again. The ideal solution would be to move out of a neighborhood infested with preening, judgemental jerks. Short of that, we recommend he replace the HUMMER with one of these (you know, return that love he's feeling) and then equip it with a security system from Q Branch. That would probably discourage further acts of vandalism rather permanently.