John Robert Patterson, a 45-year-old Australian with a distaste for cell towers is being held without bail tonight after he (allegedly) took his privately-owned armored personnel carrier out for 90-minute destruction derby session, during which several cell towers, a pair of relay sheds, an electrical substation, and a lot of fencing fell victim to his black-painted machine.
The police were finally able to get him into a set of Smith & Wesson designer bracelets when the APC stalled on its way to knock out yet another cell tower. Sounds like someone might have overreacted a smidge to not having enough bars on his Nokia. According to the accused's attorney, he claims that "he certainly had the authority to behave in such a manner." Right. That'll definitely sway the court when the case goes to trial. The judge who denied the request for bail also recommended that Mr. Patterson receive medical treatment and -- big surprise -- psychiatric attention.


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