It's never a good idea to try and paraphrase the words of the Onion. The satirical newspaper's articles and headlines are just too perfectly worded and if I tried I'd just make them less funny. So, I give you the first few paragraphs of the Onion's story on GE latest technological breakthrough:

FAIRFIELD, CT-One year after pledging to develop more energy-efficient products, General Electric Co. unveiled a product it is calling its most eco-friendly lighting source to date: the first-ever gasoline-electric hybrid lightbulb.

"With the price of gas escalating as its supply dwindles, now is the perfect time to introduce innovative lighting technology that only relies on this fast-depleting, nonrenewable resource for a portion of its power," GE chairman Jeff Immelt said in a statement released Monday.

If the Wisebulb, which will be available in stores by November for the retail price of $89.99, is used only for recommended short-term, dim, and frequent on-and-off lighting, it could eliminate nearly 80 percent of global-warming pollution that would be caused by using solely gas-powered lightbulbs, GE spokesman Brian Tormey said.


I also like the ending paragraph:

In its continuing mission to provide safe, clean, green-friendly products for Americans, GE is also investing heavily in research and development of additional alternative energy technology, including ethanol-fueled windmills, hydro-gas solar panels, and a lightbulb that would run entirely on electricity.

You should probably be over 18 to visit the Onion and some parts of the site are NSFW.

[Source: The Onion]

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