Here are some helpful hints regarding what not to do when stopped on suspicion of driving while intox'ed. First, and possibly most obviously: do not de-pants yourself and urinate next to your Suburban while the deputy talks to your kids. Second, try not to threaten the deputy with a tennis racket while insisting that his flashing emergency lights be shut off. Third, do not under any circumstances kick the deputy in his genitals. Finally, as tempting as it may be after having put foot to groin, do not kick out the window of the patrol car. Hope this helps.

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